Sarah and the Pain Monster

Every month, women across the globe get a visit from a hideous beast. Without care for plans, activities, or intentions, this denizen from Hell holds tight, draws blood, and causes excruciating pain.

I don't know why there is so much secret surrounding the Pain Monster. We hide our oversized bandages and body plugs from view, and hope we get a female cash register. We don't talk about it in company, as it is far from polite. All forms of media politely explain its presence as a monthly 'friend' and never, never get into vibrant detail of its 'friendship.' And you never..

Never.

Never.

Never.

NEVER DISCUSS IT WITH A MAN! That, above all, is the most cardinal of sins and disgusting of offenses. Men, after all, do not get such visits and therefore need naught be bothered by it. They put up with any unfortunate incidents such as tantrums and complaining that might occur during this time, for they are our ever stalwart heroes in this desperate time of need.

As I write this, I am currently enjoying my visit with Aunt Flo. The past few days have been horrid. However, as I lay in my bed bemoaning life, I realized something - whenever I have my period, I have really, really bad days. Why is this? Why does it seem that my world falls apart? Why does it seem that I crave the most horrid foods? Furthermore, why do I eat them?

Then, it hit me.

I am sure other people have had this realization, but it is a new one to me. It seems that during these times of physical pain, I unconsciously seek to compliment the tangible with the intangible by creating emotional pain. Recently, I have gone through a very difficult time emerging from an abusive relationship. As much as I intelligently realize that this relationship was the spawn of pure evil, I find myself craving contact with that person during this time. That, of course, makes me feel small and worthless, which creates emotional pain that goes perfectly with my physical pain. I seek 'comfort' foods, which then provides me more physical discomfort to partner with my pain. I insert myself into this spiral of frustration and hate, all because I am seeking to justify the physical pain of menstruation.

Now that I have embraced this realization, the next time my period begins, I will take this knowledge and recognize these destructive thoughts for what they are - an unconscious effort to wrap my body in pain.

I will observe these thoughts the next time they come, but push them away from my mind and into colorless space. I will honor my physical pain, as it is this pain that signifies the beauty of my body's ability to create life. Thank you for these realizations, and those to come!