Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Numnums in my Tumtum.

I had a very successful juice feast! I ended it a day early - 9 days, all juice, all awesome! Remember the lesson I learned? Listen.

On the 9th day, my body needed food. No, my body was DEMANDING food. I knew what cravings felt like, and this was not a craving. I broke my fast, and ate. And ate. And ate. Surprisingly, I didn't feel like the utter shit every single blog cautioned I would if I ate too much after breaking my fast.

You know why?

I was pregnant.

I am pregnant!

At first, I was completely freaked out because I was doing all the early no-no's of pregnancy: ingesting lemon and peppermint essential oil, drinking around 500 calories a day, eventually drinking wine, so on and so forth. I had missed a period but thought it normal with the stress of having my godson for two weeks, José coming to live with us, and Ester's adoption. I went to my OBGYN for regular scheduled maintenance and, SUPRISE! I'm pregnant.

I've had an interesting pregnancy so far, and I'm BIG. Holy moly. Right now, I am 18 weeks preggo. It took me a while to fully embrace the pregnancy after miscarrying my first child (more on that later), but I'm in full crazy happy mama mode now.

Anyways, yay!

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Shhh. Listen.

I learned my most valuable lesson today: listen.

Overall, it was a bit of a crazed day. My precious neighbor, Hunter, was very sick and needed to be brought to the emergency. While I worked my little internet-based customer service job, I took care of his two little brothers, my daughter, and a neighborhood friend. It definitely tested my patience. I got a B.

I drank a romaine-cucumber-honeydew melon juice. It was super delicious, and FILLING. It's so odd, but drinking these juices make me feel so satisfied.

Generally, I like to drink my last juice around 4 in the evening so I empty my system of the fluids and get a solid night's rest. I just didn't feel like drinking it, though. I was still satisfied from my previous juice. Unfortunately, I didn't listen. I forced it.

I made a spinach-cucumber-apple juice. It was good and yummy, but I could feel that it just wasn't right. Soon enough, I felt nauseous. My husband came home shortly after, and he watched the kids so I could excuse myself for an enema.

(I swear enemas are the gift of God. More on this later.)

After I finished my enema, I instantly felt refreshed and centered. I'm still not sure why I forced that second juice. I am in the process of fasting; I should always listen to my body's guidance.

Lesson learned.

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

The Ease of Peas

Day Four.

If every day could be like day five, a juice fast would be easy peasy.

I woke up refreshed and excited for the new day. I had an overall feeling of calm entering the day, a feeling that never quite left me.

To start the day, I had a celery-honeydew melon juice. I really liked the blend of sweet and salty!

It was gorgeous outside! We went outside, enjoyed the company of the sun and each other. We came back in, and I started my chores. To my surprise, both Daeshaun and Ester pitched in and cleaned their rooms without my asking.

?!?!?WHEN DOES THIS HAPPEN?!?!??!

!!!!!!!!WAHOOO!!!!!!!

Holy Mother, Father, and Child. I could have cried from happiness. A few hours had passed, so I made celery-red chard-carrot juice. I set up my children with a movie, and took my bath. I liked this juice, but used too much carrot. (I used three. Whoops! I guess I was still a little nervous after my green juice disaster yesterday.) About halfway through the juice, I just didn't want anymore. I put the lid on my juice and set it aside. I ended up drinking the rest of the juice about two hours later and was completely satisfied through the entire day.

I usually drink three juices in the day, but yesterday I only needed two. I was a little perplexed by this, but decided to honor my body's signals. I am really becoming in tune with my body and what it needs because of this juice fast.

Tonight was the dreaded night: I cooked dinner. It was a quick and easy dinner of spaghetti. I needed to shop to pick up more greens, so I planned to go shopping during dinner. I cooked, served my family, and left. I realized that I can and do spend special time with them, and it's not a horrible thing for me not to sit at the dinner table right now. It's something I need, and goshdarnitall, I can be selfish.

I went shopping at Trader Joe's and Whole Foods, came home, and enjoyed a wonderful evening with the family when I returned.

The only baddish part of the day came in the wee hours of the morning; 1:30, to be precise. I woke up and peered outside, which was slightly glowing due to the a light turned on by our entry door. I assumed it was the awakening sun, and got up and started bustling around.

For some reason, I got really anxious that I had woken up so early. I went back to bed as soon as I realized my error, but my heart was racing. I closed my eyes, settled into my favorite position and repeated, "I am ready and able to go to sleep." Soon enough, I did. Is that bad, really? I don't think so.

I am so surprised at the ease of day four. I've read that after the third day, your digestive system goes to sleep. I guess this is true!

Yay for the ease of peas! Give peas a chance! (I wonder if peas are good juiced!)

Monday, July 6, 2009

The Green Monster

Day three.

(Side note: one of my favorite bands, Gaelic Storm, named their third album Tree. Get it?! One, two, TREE?! Ha! Now every time I see or hear the word 'three', my head chimes, "One, two, tree!" The littlest things amuse me.)

I started the day with a spinach-watermelon-ginger-carrot-strawberry juice. It was pretty delicious, but if I'm being honest, I like the simpler combination of one fruit with one vegetable. This juice did NOT receive the HOLY MACKEREL distinction of juices.

It was a gorgeous day, so we spent most of it outside. I love watching Ester play. It is amazing to me how, even though she is not our birth daughter, I still feel this overwhelming sense of pride watching my kid. We have had her for three years; the adoption date is July 23rd. Still, it feels like she is an extension of my husband and I. I could not imagine loving her more if she was from my womb. Seriously. Anyways, she is just a really friggin' cool kid and I get geeked out watching her play with the other children in the neighborhood because she is kind, funny, fun, and engaging.

After an hour or two, I went inside and made a green juice. I made red chard-spinach-lime juice. My recent pattern has been to make my green juice around noon and take a relaxing bath while I sip my juice.

Little did I know while I took my bath, I would be joined by The Green Monster.



Holy Mother, that green juice was horrible. I don't know where I went wrong, but bless my soul, I never want to go there again. Stubbornly, I thought, "You're just not used to such powerful greens. Drink it. " That is likely true.

Again, "Drink it."

I whined at myself, "But I don't wanna."

"DRINK IT."

"Fine."

Ugh. I chugalugged it, and felt so nauseous. I thought it would pass, but it lingered with me for quite some time. Putting a few drops of peppermint on my tongue, I went back outside with Mp3 player in tow. I listened to the awesome that is Ray LaMontagne and Adele while the sun warmed and healed me. After an hour or so, I felt much, much better.

Lesson learned: it's okay to toss a juice.

My shiny, heroic husband made me a watermelon-ginger-red chard juice. He went really, really light on the chard by using only 3-4 stalks. He rocks. The juice was phenomenal, and the ginger helped soothe any remaining protests my stomach had to make.

Then, it was time for dinner. As a family, we are relatively informal during the day when we eat. If it's sunny, we sit outside and eat our breakfast. For me, it's juice. The kids are digging waffles right now, but Ester usually will eat fruit or cereal. Lunch is whatever we want, whenever we want. Supper, though, is our important meal.

The television goes off. We sit together. We talk. We enjoy.

Seriously, it's likely my favorite time of the day. I don't quite know how to handle suppertime right now. So far, I've been able to avoid it. On the 3rd, we were at the races, so the kids at crappy racetrack food. On the 4th, we were at my aunt's house. Last night, though, we mutually agreed that it was time to make my favorite meal.

Veggie Soft Tacos. Summer squash. Carrots. Red peppers. Onions. Mushrooms. All sauteed. In EVOO. Refried black beans. Fresh Guacamole. Fresh Tomatoes. All wrapped up in soft taco goodness. Oh. My. God. I love. This.

The smells, the memories - I almost broke. I wasn't hungry at all and, logically, I realized it. Still, I wanted to wrap all that yummy in a soft blanket of mmmgood and shove it in my mouth. I had intended to sit with the family, but I remained bolted to the couch. I was certain if I sat at the table, I would crumple into a mess of desperation and eat one of those tacos.

The meal itself is not bad, but the eating of it would have been. My digestive system is going into rest and glutting on that amount of solids would have been a horrible shock. While I am only planning on doing a ten day fast, it will take an additional four or five days to slowly ease my tummy-tum awake. Your digestive system needs to hit the snooze button about 409649 times before it is fully awake after a fast.

I withstood gobbling tacos. Go me!

In accordance with the rules of our house, Jeremy left the dishes for me. Yanno, one person cooks, the other person cleans kind of thing. I take away his rockstar status until homeboy starts cleaning my juicer after I 'cook' for myself. Mutter.

The night went well, and sleep wasn't so elusive.

All in all, day tree (I crack myself up) was a success. I learned a lot. My emotions were relatively stable. Day four, it's on.

Like Donkey Kong.

Heck yeah.

Sunday, July 5, 2009

Chewin' my nails.




..well, not really. I'm not a nail biter. But I feel like chewing them into little agitated stubs. My thoughts are racing and it would be so nice to focus on something else, if just for two minutes.

Last night, to be honest, was pretty fucking terrible. I do not swear often, but when I do, it's with intention. I really, really intend all over that 'fuck.' I snapped at my husband for being ten minutes 'late' for bed. I couldn't settle into my nighttime relaxation routine.

I thought to myself, "Self. Just go to friggin' sleep."

"Fine."

So, I attempted sleep but it escaped me like a bratty little child. My thoughts sped around, flitting from one stressful topic to the other. Could I keep up this juice thing? Am I being stupid? God. This is definitely stupid. Am I even going to lose weight? Will I gain all the weight back after I start eating solids? I hear all the time that people gain a few pounds back after they stop juicing. Well, if I only lose a few pounds, will I gain those back and all this crap will be for nothing? I'm going to be fat forever. Some people were just supposed to be fat, and I'm one of them.

Nice loop, huh? I told myself this all night. When I finally fell asleep, I had a dream that I traveled to a hotel to see my geeky friends. I went up in an elevator, but the whole time I was freaking out, stressed, panicked, and looking in the mirrored walls and saying how fat I was and I didn't want to go because it was too embarrassing. But, when I entered the room with my friends, they all applauded and cheered that I had come!

So, I'm a big believer in dream symbolism. I have a few books and website I rely on for translation, and working through the emotions and symbols in this dream just blew me away. In fact, I laughed.

Traveling signifies moving towards your life goals.
A hotel signifies a new state of mind or a shift in consciousness.
Moving up in an elevator signifies rising to a higher state of conscious.

WOW.

My emotions throughout the entire dream were very anxious, but the symbolism is clear: change is happening.

I used to medicate my anxiety with Lexapro, but I have been pharmaceutical free since November '08. Episodes like last night might have sent me back to the doctor's office, begging for a new prescription. I am humbled by my subconscious' nudging that this CHANGE IS HAPPENING and I will reach the end; it will be joyous.

I have read in many blogs that juicing will invoke a wild ride of emotions. I knew to expect this, but was still surprised at the intensity. I am grateful for my new focus: change. is. happening.

Saturday, July 4, 2009

Happy Independence (from solids) Day!

So, day two.

Let me be really honest: I am so shocked I made it this far. (Again with my preconceptions! Whee!)

Last night, I somehow managed to fight off temptation and ignore the tantalizing wafts of french fries tickling my nose. I had fun at the car races, but mostly because my family had fun. I am not totally digging the whole watching cars go in a circle thing. But hey, it's all about being with your peeps.

This morning, I woke up bright and early at 6 AM. I got up, checked my Facebook, checked my email, and went right back to bed. I fully blame my husband and his amazing snuggleableness. I sincerely believe that man would sleep 18 hours of the day.

We lounged in bed until a bit after 8 when the children finally started rousing after their big night. I made watermelon-nectarine-strawberry juice, which earned the HOLY MACKEREL stamp of approval. Then, I went shopping.

(WARNING: THIS MAY BE KINDA GROSS.)

At Trader Joe's, I realized I needed a bathroom now. No, not in a bit. Now. What came out of my behind was pretty foul smelling, although watery. I courtesy flushed, don't worry.

I came home, did a few chores, then took my bath while I enjoyed a romaine-red leaf lettuce-lime juice. This was good. I find greens to be very centering. Where I chug-a-lug my fruit juices, I sip my green juices slowly.

Then, it was time. (Cue ominous music.) We got ready to go my Aunt's house for a barbeque. I made plum-nectarine-watermelon juice, brought my water, grabbed the pies (not for me!) and joined the fun of the Fourth. The company was fantastic and I got to enjoy the foods through my husband, who dutifully described each to me.

My mood was pretty stable today but, around seven, I became very tired and lethargic. This could have everything to do with my lack of sleep the night before, but it is worth noting.

Around 9, I was still tired and getting a bit of a headache. I rubbed peppermint oil on my hands and inhaled while my husband rubbed my shoulders, and the headache subsided. I have a history of migraines, so I need to nip it in the bud quickly!

It's 10, and I'm feeling very tired but PROUD. Two days! That is so amazing!

Friday, July 3, 2009

Juicing - Take Two!

So, today is my first official day of juicing. Whee!

This morning, I had a cucumber-watermelon-spinach juice. This, too, was worthy of a HOLY MACKEREL! Very cool and refreshing.

It's been a very low key day so far, but we're going to the races tonight. I've never been to a race before, so it's all very exciting! My extended family is big into the whole cars-go-zoom-zoom scene, but I was never introduced until I was nearly 30. I went to Monster Trucks last year, which was my first experience with a race-type thingie. I thought I'd hate it, but shock of all shocks - I really enjoyed myself! So, huzzah for trying new things!

My family is going to be eating fried dough and drinking soda, most likely. You know what? That's totally cool. I mean, I wish they wouldn't, but them's the breaks of living with a family that hasn't embraced the same changes as you. When I cook, I prepare vegan meals for them. When we go out, I let them choose as they please. I get super proud when Ester chooses a vegetable over french fries to go with her meal.

It's not about forcing change, it's about inspiring change.

Maybe someday she'll ask for a green juice instead of a Sprite!

Speaking of green juice, today I made my first hardcore green juice: spinach-red leaf lettuce-lime. When I sipped it, immediately I was stunned at the taste. It wasn't bad, but the lime was POWERFUL.

Fruits and vegetables are so intense!

I think this is one of the first lessons I learned about fruits and vegetables when I started my raw journey. When left it its natural state, these seemingly innocent plants will literally kick you in the face.

A whole lime seems like a pretty chill little citrus fruit, but WOW. At first I thought maybe I didn't like it, but as I kept drinking, I realized the lime made the juice taste ALIVE! Now I love it!

I'm pretty much out of greens and only have a few fruits left, so I will need to go shopping tomorrow. I will be attending a cook out, which should be interesting while I juice. At first, I wasn't going to go, but I absolutely love my family and would be sad without their company. So, I'll let my freedom from solids ring and enjoy their glow!

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

The prettiest chili I ever did see.

You get what you ask for, don't ya know?

Intentions are so powerful.

Yesterday, I was hyperanxious about today. How silly, because today wasn't here yet! However, I was so lost in what was GOING to happen that it totally mussed up what WAS happening: I didn't sleep a wink last night.

So, of course, I was tired.

I got up nice and early and made my first juice: cucumber-carrot-parsley-apple. I put the whole bunch of parsley in, and wow - parsley is strong! It also tends to glop up in carrot-apple juice, according to a response I received on GI2MR. I am not a fan of the glop. It's a little awkward. Admittedly, I am not a fan of the stronger tasting greens, so this could be influencing my glop dislike.

Maybe.

I asked my child(ren - my godson is visiting for a week and a half!) to stay in their rooms and play while I drank my juice. This was a bit of respite in my storm of craziness. As a mother, it is hard to admit that we need space from our children, but it is so necessary.

I had an appointment at 9. A 'walk through' by the Department of Children and Families, so Ester's biological brother, José, can come live with us. I assumed it'd be, you know, a walk through - hi, this is my kitchen, this is my hallway, we pee here, José will be sleeping here.

Oh, no no. I set out intentions that today would be the worst day ever, remember?

The very nice worker proceeded to ask me the nitty gritties about the most difficult times of my life. I've had my share of fun traumas, yo. This was NOT fun. I started crying - one part nervousness, two parts bad memories. The very nice worker was very kind, but still.

We had another home visit from a different agency. That went well, but gosh, my breath was still stinky!

I made another juice - watermelon, honeydew melon, and cucumber - HOLY MACKEREL! (My godson says I should call it Holy Mackerel because I shouted it out after the first sip. It's that good.) That really picked up my spirits.

I took Ester to her physical. It poured rain on us. She kicked the doctor. Huzzah!

Savannah (One) and Isabelle (One Month) arrived two hours before they were supposed to, and I didn't have time to make my last juice.

Can I just say: LOLOLOLOLOL!

I realized that there is no way that I am going to be able to make juice tomorrow with the four children. So, I ate tonight: the prettiest vegan chili I ever did see.

I felt like a failure, but I immediately regrouped: hey! wasn't this the same stinkin' thinkin' that told the universe I wanted to have a miserable day?

It sure was!

Instead, I am going to embrace this: I juiced ALL day today, aside from my dinner. I really enjoyed my juices and, to be honest, I didn't feel hungry at all. I know that I am going to start juicing again on Friday and there's NOTHING to be worried about. Everything I was concerned about, such as being hungry and feeling completely sapped of energy, is completely dealable.

This is not a failure. It was a test. If this had been a real failure, it would have been immediately followed by a crumpled mess of boo-hoo's.

Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Juicing Eve

It was the eve before juicing
And all through the fridge
Not a solid was stirring..

Er. Nevermind, I'm not that talented to cleverly rewrite a classic.

So, I picked the first of the month to start my juice feast. Yay! I'll admit, I'm a little anxious. I probably picked the WORST day to do it. I have three appointments tomorrow, including a walk-through by the Department of Children and Families so José can come live with us..

PLUS, my godson is staying with us for two weeks...

PLUS, I have a one year old and a one month old coming to stay the night tomorrow.

Maybe it's the best day? I'll be so busy, it's PERFECT! I won't need to eat, just grab some juice and go! Yay, perspective. Phew. I needed that.

I had a 'last meal' tonight of vegetable fajitas. It wasn't raw, but it was vegan and super nummy. I enjoyed my time with my family! One of the things I will be focusing on over the next ten days is to find more ways to spend quality time with my family without the presence of food. Supper time is a HUGE deal for us; we enjoy sitting at the table sharing, laughing, and enjoying each other. I don't know that I will want to sit with them while they are eating supper, even though I will enjoy preparing it for them.

We'll see.

Anyways, wish me luck!

<3

Friday, June 26, 2009

Juicing Update!

I.

GOT.

MY.

JUICER.

Wooooooooo! (Yes, I'm a woo girl.) My precious baby is a Super Angel Juicer. There are many advantages of the SAJ. The two main ones that inspired me to save my pennies were the easy cleanup of the twin stainless steel gears and the enzyme-protecting low rpm's. This juicer costs 800-900ish dollars: it is not inexpensive, but my health is worth it.

Luckily, I have been saving since first being introduced to the idea of juicing. Also, I've been watching Ebay and Craig's Lists for a deal. Most of the 'deals' I saw were around 100 dollars off a used juicer; well, that is cheaper, but I would just buy a new one with the warranty rather than save an extra 100 dollars.

Then, it happend! (Cue the angelic choir.)

On We Like It Raw, I noticed an advertisement for an Angel Juicer. It was being sold for $520. Best of all, the young lady selling the juicer lived in NYC! I immediately emailed her, and she graciously returned my email. I decided to pick up the juicer to cut down on shipping costs and also sneak in a visit to a new raw food restaurant in Brooklyn, Rockin' Raw.

We had to change our original pick up date, but it ended up being perfect. We were able to find a sitter for Ester and head out to Brooklyn the day before my birthday. Since that beautiful day, we have been JUICY.

I started out with simple juices. Mmm, honeydew melon.

I started getting fancy. Mmm, watermelon and ginger.

I started getting fancier still! Celery, cucumber, and watermelon. OMG GOOD.

Today, my husband and I are enjoying celery-cucumber-honeydew-carrot. I cannot get Jeremy to drink a green smoothie for the life of me, but he loveloveloves fresh juice. This week, I am going to purchase more greens and start experimenting with green juice. I plan to start my juice feastfast on July 1.

It will last 10 days. Because, yanno, I have ten fingers and ten toes. (Thanks, Anthony!)

I'll be sure to take lots of pictures!

<3

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Bananas about bananas!

I thought this article was neat and worth sharing!

Bananas contain three natural sugars - sucrose, fructose and glucose - combined with fiber. A banana gives an instant, sustained and substantial boost of energy. Research has proved that just two bananas provide enough energy for a strenuous 90-minute workout. No wonder the banana is the number one fruit with the world's leading athletes.

A banana can help overcome or prevent a substantial number of illnesses and conditions, making it a must for our daily diet.

Depression: According to a recent survey undertaken by MIND among people suffering from depression, many felt much better after eating a banana. This is because bananas contain tryptophan, one of the twenty common "amino acids" that make up all proteins that the body converts into serotonin, known to make you relax, improve your mood and generally make you feel happier.

PMS: Forget the pills - eat a banana. The vitamin B6 it contains regulates blood glucose levels, which can affect your mood.

Anemia: High in iron, bananas can stimulate the production of hemoglobin in the blood and so helps in cases of anemia.

Blood Pressure: This unique tropical fruit is extremely high in potassium yet low in salt, making it the perfect to beat blood pressure. So much so, the US Food and Drug Administration has just allowed the banana industry to make official claims for the fruit's ability to reduce the risk of blood pressure and stroke.

Brain Power: 200 students at a Twickenham (Middlesex) school were helped through their exams this year by eating bananas at breakfast, break, and lunch in a bid to boost their brain power. Research has shown that the potassium-packed fruit can assist learning by making pupils more alert.

Constipation: High in fiber, including bananas in the diet can help restore normal bowel action, helping to overcome the problem without resorting to laxatives.

Hangovers: One of the quickest ways of curing a hangover is to make a banana milkshake, sweetened with honey. The banana calms the stomach and, with the help of the honey, builds up depleted blood sugar levels, while the milk soothes and re-hydrates your system.

Heartburn: Bananas have a natural antacid effect in the body, so if you suffer from heartburn, try eating a banana for soothing relief.

Morning Sickness: Snacking on bananas between meals helps to keep blood sugar levels up and avoid morning sickness.

Mosquito bites: Before reaching for the insect bite cream, try rubbing the affected area with the inside of a banana skin. Many people find it amazingly successful at reducing swelling and irritation.

Nerves: Bananas are high in B vitamins that help calm the nervous system.

Overweight and at work: Studies at the Institute of Psychology in Austria found pressure at work leads to gorging on comfort food like chocolate and crisps. Looking at 5,000 hospital patients, researchers found the most obese were more likely to be in high-pressure jobs. The report concluded that, to avoid panic-induced food cravings, we need to control our blood sugar levels by snacking on high carbohydrate foods every two hours to keep levels steady.

Ulcers: The banana is used as the dietary food against intestinal disorders because of its soft texture and smoothness. It is the only raw fruit that can be eaten without distress in over-chronic ulcer cases. It also neutralizes over-acidity and reduces irritation by coating the lining of the stomach.

Temperature control: Many other cultures see bananas as a "cooling" fruit that can lower both the physical and emotional temperature of expectant mothers. In Thailand, for example, pregnant women eat bananas to ensure their baby is born with a cool temperature.

Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD): Bananas can help SAD sufferers because they contain the natural mood enhancer, tryptophan.

Smoking: Bananas can also help people trying to give up smoking. The B6, B12 they contain, as well as the potassium and magnesium found in them, help the body recover from the effects of nicotine withdrawal.

Stress: Potassium is a vital mineral, which helps normalize the heartbeat, sends oxygen to the brain and regulates your body's water balance. When we are stressed, our metabolic rate rises, thereby reducing our potassium levels. These can be re-balanced with the help of a high-potassium banana snack.

Strokes: According to research in "The New England Journal of Medicine", eating bananas as part of a regular diet can cut the risk of death by strokes by as much as 40%"

Warts: Those keen on natural alternatives swear that if you want to kill off a wart, take a piece of banana skin and place it on the wart, with the yellow side out. Carefully hold the skin in place with a plaster or surgical tape!

When the nomnom's go too far.

binge

noun
  1. a period or bout, usually brief, of excessive indulgence
verb (used without an object)

2. to have a binge

I have an addiction to binging. Last week, every day for lunch, I ate Wendy's. As my child would leave for afternoon kindgergarten, I'd get in my car and drive-through my secret sin and order something. This something started out being a single slab of beef and, through the week, upgraded to a triple slab. Oh, and large. Always large.

I went, I devoured, I came home. But it was more the method that bothered me. I've attended many AA meetings with my mother, so I know the sneaky habits employed to hide your addiction.

First, I charged it on my debit card.

Then, I started doing grocery runs for neighbors. I would take their cash, charge their necessities on my debit card, then use the cash at Wendy's.

I would ALWAYS eat in the car, and throw my trash out in either an outdoor bin at some random store or in a neighbor's trash. Gotta hide that trail, yo.

My husband would not have cared, really. He's super supportive. He might have given me that 'aww Sarah' look, or briefly reminded me how good I feel when I'm not eating meat and cheese. He's not pushy about it, and loves the heck out of me regardless of my booty size. I still felt compelled to hide it from him, and my friends, and my family.

In an effort not to hate myself, I tried to become the watcher instead of a self-loathing fat woman in these situations. Then, I realized something:

Binging is nothing more than a transference of pain.

For years, I have dealt with depression. For me, I get very lethargic and everything hurts. It's a battle to care about anything. I have been off all medication since November, and doing very, very well. Then, two weeks ago, it started. I was sleepier than normal and, eventually, even my ELBOWS hurt. This made little sense to me as I had nothing going on in my life that should depress me, but I knew the signs and symptoms and realized what was happening.

And there, in the middle of the Wal-Mart parking lot I was hiding in to shove dead crap into my mouth, I realized that I didn't want to feel the pain anymore in my head and body so I was cramming my stomach full in order to bring the focus there. I have control over this. If I feel like shit, it's MY FAULT, not some silly chemical imbalance. For hours, I'd feel bloated and angry and lethargic and fat and dead and it was MY FAULT. So, ha! Ha to you depression! I can beat you!

...sort of. Uh, okay - not really.

I imagine a lot of people do this, and don't realize it. We just can't help ourselves, after all. It's an addiction, we need to do eat and eat and eat. However, I think our addictions are little more than personal power plays to assert a perverted control over our lives.

This is my life and I choose to live it vibrantly.

This is your life, and you can choose to live it vibrantly, too.

I love you.

Sunday, June 7, 2009

Juicing: The Update

So. Sadness.

My precious, beautiful juicer is still tucked away at its original owner's house. Miss Simona had a charity event that demanded her attention and was unable to meet us at the predetermined time. We will be getting together this week sometimes to swap greens for my greens machine, and my juicing will commence!

Until then, I will collect recipes and dream of drops of green juice pitter-patting on my face!


Mmmmm, green juice.

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Thursday, June 4, 2009

The plan, Stan!

So, when embarking on any new and shiny journey, I like to make a plan. Yes, I totally am one of those people that like to have a to-do list for everything from packing to brushing my teeth. I find a lot of security in preparation, which is immensely important when deciding to do something like NOT EAT for ten whole days.

Oddly, I am not really nervous about my feast. I thought I'd be freaking out about my avocadolessness, but I'm honestly tingling with excitement. I can't wait to pick up my juicer on Saturday. I can't wait to make my first juice. I can't wait to TASTE it! Mmm!

Today, I went to Whole Foods and went BERSERK in the produce section. It amuses me to no end that I used to abhor that side of the store, and now I never leave it. In Connecticut, it is the season o' greens! All sorts of gorgeous lettuce and kale and..and..

..well, I bought a lot. Everything looked so fresh and pretty. I actually had an urge to lay down in the lettuce. They grow lettuce in beds, right? Lettuce beds?! Why not!

So, here are a few recipes I've collected that I will be making over my juice feast:

Green Juices:

1 cup packed spinach leaves
1/2 cup flat-leaf parsley leaves
1 rib celery
1/2 cucumber
1 apple
1 piece (1 inch) ginger



1 lemon
1/2 cup parsley
1 rib of celery
2 big handfuls of Spinach
1 piece of peeled ginger
1 medium cucumber
2 apples

1 green or red apple
1/2 head of Romaine lettuce
1 cucumber
3 stalks of celery
Handful of parsley
1/2 large carrot

Fruit:

Honeydew Melon

Orange

Apple

Obviously, the amounts will fluctuate because I need to sneak in a generous amount of greens. There are a few more websites that I am going to collect green juice recipes from, too. HOLY MACKEREL I AM SO EXCITED!

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

The Year in Review

As I've been preparing for my juice feast, I find myself reflecting on the things I do differently since going raw. I went raw vegan on Memorial Day 2008. It took me a long time to feel comfortable applying the word 'vegan' to my lifestyle because, in many ways, I was the exact opposite of what I imagined a vegan would be. I am fairly conservative, I have no issues with my husband's desire to hunt, I did not recycle, and generally vote for Republicans. I felt like I was lying to myself using 'vegan' to describe my lifestyle. I felt that some of the things done by the vegan community were 'weird' and resolved never to become that 'hippie'.

Mostly, the lifestyle scared me. If you've even dabbled as a 'raw vegan', you'll know that it's more than just eating foods in their raw, natural state. The idea of purity begins to encompass more than just the food you put into your body. You begin to realize that everything and everyone is connected, and the energy you put out will be the energy that comes in. Suddenly, the casual choices you made yesterday hold a significant weight. It can be pretty overwhelming. I almost quit before I began simply because I could not fathom all the changes I thought necessary to truly be a raw vegan.

Thankfully, I pushed past that anxiety and forged ahead. I wanted to share with you who I am today. It may change tomorrow, it may change in ten years, but I'm not so concerned about that. I love who I am in the moment because that's all I'm supposed to be.

Carrying on! Here are some things that I've learned, some things that I've changed, and some things that are the same since MD '08:

Politics

I am still fairly conservative, but mostly in regards to the government's role in our lives. I am loathe to allow them a say in everything from the way I garden to who I choose to marry. The marriage issue is probably the most polarizing issue for me with a 'typical' conservative. I support gay marriage because, frankly, it's fair. If you do not want to grant the right to marry to all citizens, then take away the incentives of marriage.

I feel that the states should have more rights, and choosing my local representative should bear more weight than the President. I believe we should be responsible for ourselves, from health care to education choices. We would never need a nationalized health care system if people incorporated more raw foods and naturopathic remedies. I believe that our sense of responsibility should extend to the community, and that it does not need to be a federal mandate to help our neighbors.

The "Weird" Things I Do

Oil Pulling - I do this every morning. I'll likely do an article on it later, but let me go over the personal benefits I've found. Last summer, I had my wisdom teeth removed. After the surgery, my teeth were painfully sensitive and I had a dull pain in my lower lip from nerve damage. These symptoms have never gone away. I started oil pulling, which is basically swishing sesame oil in your mouth for 20 minutes and rinsing twice with hydrogen peroxide. I no longer have sensitivity or the dull pain in my lip.

Essential Oils - I use essential oils daily. I put lemon in my water, lavender in my baths, and peppermint on my tongue. Peppermint oil is my salvation from migraines! I also exclusively clean my household with essential oils.

Recycling - I actually recycle now! It is my responsibility to be a good steward of the land I live upon, and recycling is extremely important.

Composting - I built my very own compost pile outside with chicken wire, cardboard, and an old carpet. I am cutting down on my municipal waste as well as creating a rich, beautiful source of nutrients for my garden next year.

Gardening - I expanded my garden this year. I hope to save quite a bit of money this year, as well as broaden my knowledge to one day be able to grow most of my family's food. This year, I planted cucumbers, yellow summer squash, zucchini, 4 types of tomatoes, peppers, strawberries, and heirloom SEEDED watermelon. I started some of these seeds myself, sprouting them in ocean water dilute.

Meditation - This is key for me. I usually meditate in the bathtub.

Sunshine - I never understood how important sunshine is, and how heavily it affects my mood. I sunbathe for at least 20 minutes a day, and do not use soap on my body (except in my armpits and nethers) while showering to preserve the Vitamin D on my skin.

No more deodorant! - I use a salt stone instead.



I have several HUGE FUN OMG WOOHOO things on the horizon for me, like my juice feast. I love that this lifestyle continuously encourages me to challenge my perspective. I can't wait to share with you next year!

<3,
Sarah

Sunday, May 31, 2009

Fasting vs. Feasting

I've been a raw vegan for a year now. In that time, I've been an avid lover of Give It To Me Raw and We Like It Raw. The blog and community support is unparalleled, in my experience. I have thoroughly enjoyed Raw Fu, but there is something about GI2MR that keeps me coming back. Perhaps I am just a loyalist; it was my first raw vegan community network, after all.

While reading the many posts at GI2MR, I've noticed differing opinions on whether to call this process a juice fast or a juice feast. Usually, people who call it a juice fast also dislike the use of words like 'rawkin' or 'rawsome' or any other cutsiepoo word to describe our lifestyle. While I respect their opinion and right to use the words they choose, I feel that the word 'feast' conveys what I want to experience.

I want this to be love, joyous, harmony, life, and brilliance.

This will be vibrance. My cells will dance. My cells will feast.

Shhh! Be vewy, vewy quiet.

The past few months have been interesting, to say the least. So, it is what it is and let's leave it there! Mind you, it's been pretty fantastic with just a few ew's and some minor ugh's, I just don't feel like rehashing month after month when I have something more important to embrace..

My NOW. My JOURNEY. Whee!

Where is my journey taking me? For the past few months, I have been drawn to juicing. I am going to start a juice feast on June 7th, 2008. The day before, my darling Jeremy and I are going to NYC to celebrate seven years of wedded bliss at a raw restaurant and pick up my shiny Angel Juicer. I got a wicked good deal on it! I love how the universe provides. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!

Over the next few days, I am going to scour the internet and find some yummy juice combinations. I am also going to join the folks at www.juicefeasting.com for their insight, guidance, and community support. Wish me luck!